This Shit Is A Love Story (366946 words) by JanetteK
Chapters: 51/51
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age – All Media Types
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Dorian Pavus/Original Character(s), The Iron Bull/Josephine Montilyet
Characters: Female Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford, Dorian Pavus, Varric Tethras, Leliana (Dragon Age), Cassandra Pentaghast, The Iron Bull (Dragon Age)
Summary: Inquisitor Athena Trevelyan falls in love with Commander Cullen Rutherford while trying to save Thedas from a darkspawn magister from the beginning of time. Narrated by story teller extraordinaire: Varric Tethras

Hopeless BFFs: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59377324

A Warden’s Love

Chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159

Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161370922

Chapter 3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161451691

Chapter 4: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161558896

Chapter 5: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161817649

Chapter 6: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162382204

Chapter 7: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162458062

Chapter 8: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162523654

Chapter 9: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162605536

Chapter 10: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162687571

Chapter 11: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/165056176

Romancing The Broken

Chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/166425121

Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/166740724

Chapter 3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/172856665

Chapter 4: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/176031086

Chapter 5: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/176956191

Chapter 6: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/179941436

Chapter 7: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/184895121

Chapter 8: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/189597301

Chapter 9: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/192772566

Chapter 10: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/194597621

Chapter 11: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/196214876

Chapter 12: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/199185526

Chapter 13: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/200733131

Chapter 14: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/202962426

Chapter 15: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/204122381

Chapter 16: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/204790401

Chapter 17: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/207699291

Chapter 18: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/208776521

Chapter 19

Cullen sighed in relief as they stood in the courtyard of Skyhold. He shouldn’t shirk his duties, but he really wanted to get Medb behind a locked door for weeks. She let him kiss her scars. Not only let him, but asked him to.

If the world was his to give, she would have it. What she gave him in that seemingly small act… he would never doubt her love or trust. Cullen caught her eye and smiled. The things he wanted to do with her since that moment filled his head until he feared he couldn’t think of anything else.

She wasn’t smiling back. In fact, Medb had stopped looking at him completely. Following her perturbed gaze, Cullen saw Solas talking with his hands and pacing. He went to Medb’s side and heard Solas say, “You should’ve let me kill them.”

“No.” Medb crossed her arms.

“Is it better for them to sit in a dungeon for months? Only to die after?” Solas scoffed.

“Should I have let other people die while I was waiting to hear back from their Circle?” Medb raised an eyebrow.

“Of course not! It’s still cruel to leave them in a dungeon.” Solas frowned.

“Better than them being dead.” She mumbled, “I wasn’t going to do anything to them until I heard back from the Circle.”

“And?”

“Solas, the Inquisitor has just returned from being in the Deep Roads,” Cullen kept his voice calm even though he wanted to show how annoyed he was by Solas’ demands, “I’m sure this discussion can wait until we see what missives have been received.”

“They were imprisoned for months and you want them to wait longer?” Solas glowered at him.

Cullen raised an eyebrow. Before he could speak, Medb sighed in extreme frustration, “Why does it matter to you that they were imprisoned? You want to kill them.”

“At least in the Fade they’d be free,” Solas smirked.

“They’d be dead with no chance at making amends,” Medb snarled.

“Make amends with what? My friend is gone,” Solas went back to pacing.

“As a demon, your friend killed living beings,” Solas glared at her. She continued, “I’m not saying your friend was at fault. But those who summoned your friend and corrupted the spirit need to be held accountable for the harm they caused.”

“Is that in your purview?” Solas asked.

“I’d rather not have more blood on my hands, Solas,” Medb shifted uncomfortably. “As soon as I hear back from the prisoners’ circle, I’ll judge them.”

“And that’s acceptable to you?” Solas looked at Cullen.

Cullen’s fingers itched to reach out to Medb. Or punch the Fade expert for dismissing Medb to seek his opinion. He gripped his sword’s hilt instead, “The Inquisitor is being far kinder than any Templar would be towards the prisoners. They would’ve been made Tranquil the day of the first attempt at summoning a demon.”

Medb shuddered and Cullen winced. He didn’t intend to upset her with his harshness. Cullen reached out to her. Gently squeezing her hand, he continued, “I will send word when the Inquisitor has set a time for judging the prisoners.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Solas left.

“What was the point of that?” Medb turned to him. To describe her as angry would be an understatement. “Confronting me about the treatment of people he wants to kill.” She growled, “I feel like he’s testing me and I don’t like it.”

“Let’s get unpacked and we’ll discuss it more later,” Cullen briefly kissed her cheek. He waited for Medb to start moving, but she just stood their balling her hands into fists and relaxing them. Cullen asked, “Medb, what’s wrong?”

“We should talk to Leliana and Josephine.” She stared at the path Solas took.

“Why?”

“So I can start considering what my options are.”

Cullen sighed. He knew what this was. She was feeling guilty. There was no way he was going to let this take over tonight, “The prisoners are kept in the dungeon only when we have people visiting and every available room is spoken for. Otherwise, they are kept in rooms and supplied every amenity. However, they are guarded. Even though they are prisoners, we’ve followed your lead in caring for them.”

“That’s a burden on our guards,” Medb breathed in shakily.

“No more of a burden than guarding them in a dungeon.” He gently took the straps of her large satchel off her shoulder.

She moved to stop him, “What are you doing?”

He persistently continued taking the burden from her. Adding her satchel to the other bags he was carrying, he leaned in and murmured, “I’m trying to get you behind a locked door for at least tonight.”

“Are you in pain?” Medb searched his face.

How was he supposed to answer that? Pain? No. Exasperated and impatient? Growing by the second. Cullen didn’t want to give away his plans, but… “You have been working, traveling, nonstop since I barely recovered from my illness. We deserve one night without the world intruding.”

“What did you do?” Medb narrowed her eyes.

“Come with me and find out,” Cullen grinned. He was excited and nervous about what he planned. Grabbing her hand, he whispered to himself, “Let’s see if we can match one of Varric’s stories.”

 

Medb looked around her bed chamber in awe. Rose petals were strewn on the bed, flowers from the Arbor Wilds sat on her desk, and there was a small table. The table was set for two with a covered platter in the center, “When did you do this?”

Cullen shook his head, “I didn’t physically put everything in place. I wrote to Josephine asking for advice on how to do something special for when we returned. She sent back a very detailed and specific list.”

Medb laughed, “How many pages was it?”

“Too many,” Cullen griped. He still had the very thick missive buried in his clothing bag.

She walked over to the flowers on her desk and inhaled, “These don’t grow in Ferelden or Orlais.”

“I wrote to your keeper and asked what your favorite flowers are,” Cullen blushed.

“I appreciate it…” Medb trailed off. She didn’t want to ruin tonight with Inquisition stuff. And she didn’t doubt his intentions were to please her. But she couldn’t protect her clan if the Inquisition barreled into the Wilds.

“Sweetheart, your keeper knows nothing except that I’m in love with you,” Cullen took her hands in his, “On Varric’s suggestion I rerouted my letters through Mia and her address was the one I gave your clan’s keeper.”

“You thought of everything,” She kissed him.

“It took a while to plan,” Cullen deepened the kiss. He groaned as he pulled away, “Let’s eat first.”

Medb let him pull out her chair. He removed the cover and she saw hearth cakes and something that looked like a pie that sat out in the sun too long, “What is that?”

“It’s mutton and turnip pie. You didn’t come across it in your travels through the Hinterlands?” Cullen cut a piece.

She shook her head, “Why is it a grey-brown color?”

“That’s how you know it’s done,” Cullen took a bite.

“And I’m told the things I eat are weird,” Medb muttered and bit into a hearth cake.

“What was that?” Cullen swallowed.

“We put fish in our hearth cakes,” Medb felt her cheeks warm, “I’ve been told that it’s an odd thing to do.”

“By who?”

“There’s only one elf who thinks he knows more about being an elf than other elves.” Medb sighed. She really did try to make peace with Solas despite her misgivings.

“Solas didn’t like how you asked for the hearth cakes to be made with fish?” Cullen was confused.

“No, this was when we were in the Hinterlands. We had stopped for the night and it was my turn to make a meal. So, I made the hearth cakes I knew. Solas said it was odd and not something Dalish elves did.” Medb took another bite. After she swallowed she continued, “I responded that I’m a city elf. He growled and said city elves don’t have access to fresh fish. At the time I had no idea what he meant.”

“You didn’t know about alienages,” Cullen reached out to her.

“Sera explained what they were and told Solas to leave me alone.” Medb closed her eyes to hide her tears as she held Cullen’s hand, “I don’t understand the hate that people have. Non mages hate mages. Humans hate elves. Orzammar dwarves hate casteless dwarves and dwarves not born in Orzammar. Dalish elves hate city elves. City elves and Dalish elves hate humans. Qunari and Tevinter hate each other. Solas seems to strongly dislike Qunari, Dalish and city elves, humans, nonmages, and some mages. Hate doesn’t do anything except harm.”

“You’re not wrong. Fear can do much the same,” Cullen smiled sadly.

“Fear can dull with time, rational explanations, and healing. Hate though?” Medb finished eating. She smiled at Cullen, determined not to focus on Thedas’ ills, “This night is for us.”

She walked over to him and sat on his lap. Medb pointed at his half finished seconds, “Can I try it?”

“Of course,”  He put some on his fork and fed it to her.

Why was it mushy and bland? She blinked and struggled to swallow. Once it was down, Medb reached for her glass of dandelion wine and took a long swig, “You like eating that?”

“It’s not as well made as it would be in Ferelden, but it tastes fine.”

“Is the Ferelden version less mushy and bland?” Medb remembered the food she had in Ferelden, “On second thought, don’t answer that.” She picked up a hearth cake and held it until Cullen took a bite of it, “What do you think?”

“It’s… interesting,” Cullen swallowed the rest, “Definitely has more flavor than my meal.”

Medb gently kissed him, “What’s next, Commander?”

“More kissing,” Cullen captured her lips with his. After a prolonged and deep kiss he finally pulled back, “I could never command you.”

“Why don’t you try?” Medb grinned mischievously. She stood and tugged on his hands. He warily followed.

As they stood on the balcony, she leaned back, bumping into Cullen’s chest. She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. Holding onto his arms she asked, “Do you ever think about what you want to happen if we defeat Corypheus?”

“I’ve tried to force those thoughts away and focus on the here and now,” He kissed the top of her head, “Since falling in love with you, that’s impossible.”

“Oh?” Medb’s smile grew.

“Should we win, I don’t want to be parted from you,” Cullen paused, “There are other things I’d like to do, but I want you with me. I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Each time I have to leave, it gets harder to tear myself away from you,” She almost whispered.

“It gets harder to send you away,” His arms tightened around her.

“What are the other things you want to do?”

“I want to set up something so Templars who don’t want to lose their memories can get off lyrium and not be alone during the first withdrawal.” Cullen breathed out.

“Always thinking of others,” She murmured, relaxing in his embrace.

“For too long, I didn’t. And you? What would you like to do if we succeed?”

“Sleep for a week,” Medb chuckled softly and grew serious, “Go at a slower pace. Marry the man I love, have a few kids…”

Cullen was quiet for a long time. Medb wasn’t sure what that meant and got nervous, “If you don’t–“

“Will you teach me one of your elvhen songs?” He interrupted.

Medb turned in his arms. She saw that he was softly smiling. He looked very smug, like he was planning something. Turning her attention to what he asked, she said, “The easiest one to teach is a lullaby.”

Cullen nodded, encouraging her. She sang it in the common language first, so he would know what she was teaching him. When she switched to elvhen, she felt at peace with everything. Medb sang it a couple times more and she smiled when she heard Cullen’s voice join hers.

He sounded hesitant, but he was trying his best and in elvhen. They finished the song together and she kissed him, “Tonight was perfect, thank you.”

“It’s not over,” Cullen picked her up and carried her to bed, “Were we to succeed, and get married… that is, if you want to marry me?”

Medb chuckled softly, huskily as he stretched out his body over hers, “Who else would I want to marry?”

Cullen lifted a shoulder and let it fall, “How many children were you thinking?”

“Three or four. No more than six,” She tugged at his shirt, untucking it.

“You want a large family?” He kissed her.

“I do. It was only me and my mom and when she died…” Medb trailed off and looked away, fighting tears.

“You were alone,” Cullen kissed her eyes.

She nodded, afraid to look at him. He rested his forehead at her temple, “Sweetheart, I swear to you, you’ll never be alone again.”

Medb kissed his cheek and pulled his shirt off. She started undoing the buttons of his pants and pouted when he stopped her by tying her hands up in her shirt. When she was free of the clothing hindering her, Medb returned to her task.

He cupped her hands, pausing them, “I want to have children too…”

“Just not right now?” Medb asked. His sigh of relief made her laugh, “Don’t worry, we’re not in danger of that. If we defeat Corypheus, all bets are off.”

“How?” Cullen moved off of her, taking her pants with him.

“Rude,” Medb grumbled, “There’s an herb I eat to prevent getting pregnant.”

Cullen jumped on the bed beside her, naked. She squealed as he grabbed her and rolled so Medb would be on top. Medb kissed him, passionately. They made love until the wee hours of the morning.

 

Cullen stared at the ceiling, hoping his shaking would cease. All hope of him sleeping past dawn was gone. He’d hate to wake Medb because of his infernal nightmares.

He gingerly moved out from underneath Medb. His reluctance to leave their bed made him even slower. She got too little sleep regularly and on their first night back in Skyhold, Medb deserved to have a decent night’s sleep.

Putting on his underclothes and a robe Medb had got him in one of her many travels, Cullen walked out on to the balcony. He hoped the cold morning air would chase away the last vestiges of his nightmare. Even in the thick robe, he shivered.

The cold drove him back inside quickly. Before he could warm up, he heard a loud knocking. Cullen quickly checked to see if the pounding woke Medb. Sighing in relief that she was sleeping through it, he made his way to the door. Opening it, he grumbled, “The sun hasn’t risen yet.”

“Apologies, Commander.” The soldier saluted, “You said you wanted notified of Samson’s whereabouts immediately.”

Cullen took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. Once again annoyed by the soldiers being literal with his word choice. Taking the missives and dismissing the soldier, he muttered under his breath, “You didn’t have to wake half of Skyhold before dawn.”

He quietly walked back up the stairs, and glanced at the bed to make sure Medb was still sleeping. Cullen softly exhaled. Medb had fallen asleep quickly. She only did that when utterly exhausted.

Grabbing a dwarven light from the bed stand on his side of the bed, he moved closer to the balcony’s doors to read what the messages said. He grinned, they found him. As soon as it was a decent hour, he’d inform Medb.

“Cullen?” Medb murmured sleepily, reaching for him, “Where are you?”

He chuckled softly, “I’m right here, Sweetheart. Go back to sleep, it’s barely sunrise.”

“Will you… come back to bed?” She didn’t move.

He heard the fear in her voice. She’d had a nightmare. Cullen put the lamp and papers down on her desk and got back in bed. Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, murmuring, “You’re safe now. No one is going to harm you if I can keep you from it.”

Medb snuggled into him, her hand resting over where his heart resided. She whispered, “Ma Vehnan.”

“Always,” He whispered back. Cullen thought he was too awake to fall asleep again. When loud knocking woke them both, the sun was considerably higher in the sky.

Cullen kissed her as she stretched, “Sleep well?”

“As well as can be expected for me.” She smiled, “Thank you for coming back to bed.”

“How could I resist?” He kissed her one more time as the knocking became more persistent and louder. Cullen growled and almost shouted, “Be there in a minute.”

Medb laughed softly, “You seem more annoyed than usual about their early wake up calls.”

“This is the second one today.” Cullen got out of bed, “I think I got used to not having knocking waking us up.” Going to the door again, he saw that it was breakfast with a note from the Ambassador. He thanked the servant and carried the food to a small table.

Medb sat up, “They don’t usually deliver food.”

“I think Lady Josephine had something to do with that.”

“This wasn’t part of your plan?” Medb gasped as she stood.

“Medb?” Cullen walked over to her, concerned.

“I think I slept wrong,” She rolled her shoulders.

Cullen went to the wardrobe to get her salve. She shook her head, “Let’s eat first.”

“Are you sure?” His forehead wrinkled with his worry.

Medb nodded and sat at the table. She opened the note from Josephine, “You were right. The Circle would make the imprisoned mages Tranquil. I can’t send them back to the Circle.”

He sat across from her and uncovered their breakfast. Cullen put bacon, eggs, toast, and strawberries on his plate, “Which means you decide their fate.” Watching her grab a couple strawberries, his worry grew, “Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not really.” Medb ate her food in silence, “I can’t keep them imprisoned, nor can I tell them they’re free to go.”

“Maybe they can help the other magical researchers you conscripted?” He had Templars watching over them so they didn’t do anything to harm the Inquisition. Their knowledge and research had proved useful on a number of occasions.

“I think that’s the only solution,” Medb sighed, “I hate judging people.”

He took hold of her free hand, “And that’s why you must. Far too many would see it as a way to cause more bloodshed. You sentence them with compassion and understanding.”

“Do I?” Medb raised an eyebrow, “I have Rainier going to the Grey Wardens after this is done. I killed my former lover…”

“Rainier lied to you and killed a family and their children. You’re still giving him a chance to atone. As for Mervin, you were defending yourself and your companions.” Cullen stopped eating and stood, pulling her up with him, “He deserved to die, Medb. He caused you suffering that you’ll never fully recover from and hurt many others. Mervin would’ve refused any chance to atone.”

“How do you know him so well?” She stared up at him.

“I’ve known many like him,” He cupped her cheek with his hand, “Do not feel guilty for defending yourself from those who’ve harmed you.”

“I don’t. But at times like these, I question every decision I’ve made,” She kissed him, “Well, except for one.”

“Oh?” He grinned.

“Falling in love with you is my favorite decision,” She smiled.

Maker, how he wanted to take her back to bed and make love to her all morning. Instead, he deeply and passionately kissed her. Reluctantly breaking away he said, “After I put salve on your back, I have news of Samson.”

“I feel a little better,” She rolled her shoulders again.

In this, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Cullen pulled on her hand and had her sit on the bed. As he massaged the salve into her back, he explained the messages he received while she was asleep.

“When do I leave?” Medb almost purred.

“We’ll leave no later than tomorrow morning.” He capped her salve and put it back. Washing his hands he watched her dress, “I’m going with you.”

“Ma Vehnan, it’s not that I don’t want you with me. I’m sure your already packed schedule became even more filled while you were with me in Emprise and the Deep Roads.” She grabbed a piece of bacon.

“Was I with you in the Deep Roads?” Cullen got dressed and crossed his arms, “Leliana found me at the Storm Coast and told me I needed to come back. I refused.”

“You tried to be.” She rested her hands on his forearms, “At great detriment to yourself.”

“And you had to suffer alone,” Cullen still felt guilty over abandoning her.

“I knew you were waiting for me. It helped,” She smiled and kissed him, “We can leave after I judge the mages.”