This Shit Is A Love Story (366946 words) by JanetteK
Chapters: 51/51
Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age – All Media Types
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Dorian Pavus/Original Character(s), The Iron Bull/Josephine Montilyet
Characters: Female Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford, Dorian Pavus, Varric Tethras, Leliana (Dragon Age), Cassandra Pentaghast, The Iron Bull (Dragon Age)
Summary: Inquisitor Athena Trevelyan falls in love with Commander Cullen Rutherford while trying to save Thedas from a darkspawn magister from the beginning of time. Narrated by story teller extraordinaire: Varric Tethras

Hopeless BFFs: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59377324

A Warden’s Love

Chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159

Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161370922

Chapter 3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161451691

Chapter 4: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161558896

Chapter 5: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/161817649

Chapter 6: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162382204

Chapter 7: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162458062

Chapter 8: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162523654

Chapter 9: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162605536

Chapter 10: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/162687571

Chapter 11: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818159/chapters/165056176

Romancing The Broken

Chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/166425121

Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/166740724

Chapter 3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/172856665

Chapter 4: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/176031086

Chapter 5: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/176956191

Chapter 6: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/179941436

Chapter 7: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/184895121

Chapter 8: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/189597301

Chapter 9: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/192772566

Chapter 10: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/194597621

Chapter 11: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/196214876

Chapter 12: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/199185526

Chapter 13: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/200733131

Chapter 14: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/202962426

Chapter 15: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/204122381

Chapter 16: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/204790401

Chapter 17: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/207699291

Chapter 18: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/208776521

Chapter 19: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64766617/chapters/222794266

Chapter 20

Medb stared at Maddox’s dead body in the destroyed temple. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her. Hers filled with tears as she rasped, “We wouldn’t have hurt you.”

Cullen squeezed her hand, “To inspire that kind of loyalty…”

“It’s sickening,” She murmured as her tears overflowed, “We should bury him.”

“I’ll make sure Maddox gets the proper rights, Inquisitor,” Cullen released her hand to search more of the burned out temple.

The rest of the search was mostly a blur, until she found a letter from Samson, “Ma Vehnan, it’s addressed to you.”

He read it aloud for everyone to hear. She winced at his scoff; Cullen was protesting too much. Medb waited until they were back in their tent to address it, “You seemed upset by Samson’s letter.”

“I was… I am,” Cullen paced.

“Talk to me,” She sat down on a cot after taking off her armor. Her back ached, but Cullen needed her more now.

“He was one of Kirkwall’s Templars when I arrived there,” Cullen laughed bitterly, “Samson would help me get lyrium to dull the pain of…”

“You don’t have to say it,” She whispered. Mythal, she wanted to reach out to him. Medb was afraid that if she touched him, he’d break apart.

“What I endured at Kinloch Hold. Samson swore more lyrium would help with the nightmares.” He ran a hand through his hair, “For a time, it worked. But they always came back, stronger, and more painful.”

“You took more lyrium,” Her eyes filled with tears. She hadn’t meant to send him back to those hopeless, tormented days.

“I did. I was losing myself again,” Cullen sat beside her and took her hands in his trembling ones, “If I had continued on that path–“

“You didn’t. You’re not Samson.” Medb stared into his eyes, “You don’t grow red lyrium in people. When Templars want off lyrium, you help them. You’re nothing like him.”

“I want to believe that.” A sigh shuddered through him, “I’m not sure I can.”

“I can’t change how you feel. However, I don’t think either of us wants anyone killing themselves to protect secrets.” Medb rested her head on his shoulder, “I certainly don’t want that kind of depraved loyalty. No secret is worth a life.”

His arm wrapped around her, “No, I wouldn’t want that. It’s possible Samson didn’t want it either.”

“If that’s true, he shouldn’t have left Maddox behind,” She rasped. Her heart broke for him. She understood why Maddox was loyal to Samson. Cullen explained how Samson had saved him from the chaos in Kirkwall after Meredith died. And yet… “It doesn’t make sense to save someone only to leave them behind to certain death.”

“Your reputation precedes you, Sweetheart. You don’t kill unless absolutely necessary.” Cullen moved her long hair to the side.

He was massaging her back and she shifted into it, “He should’ve known what Maddox would do if caught.”

“Not everyone has your way of seeing people for who they are,” He softly said.

“It still takes me a bit of time to get to know the person before I can tell if they’re lying or not.” Medb arched into Cullen’s massage more. It was working better than her salve ever did.

“Rainier and Solas would beg to differ.”

“I still can’t tell if Solas is outright lying or just omitting things. With Rainier, he talked as if being a Grey Warden was something everyone could do. Even I know it isn’t as simple as that.” Medb sighed and kissed his cheek, “I don’t want to talk about them anymore.”

“What would you like to talk about?” He turned towards her.

“I don’t want to talk at all,” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of her. Medb loved the feel of him pressed against her.

“You’re not in too much pain?” Cullen had his forearms braced against the cot, not putting his full weight on her.

“No,” She could feel him trembling, “Ma Vehnan, it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that. Because I do.” He rasped, “Maker, how I want to. I’m not sure I can give you the attention you deserve.”

Medb touched her lips to his and pulled a breath away, “We can go as fast or slow as you desire to. You’re always so generous with your lovemaking. Allow me this?”

“Sweetheart,” Cullen kissed her.

She could taste the salt of his tears. When they broke for air she whispered, “Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” he softly murmured.

Beyond taking his clothes off, she asked for nothing. Needed for nothing. She caressed his shaking arms and kept her legs loose around his waist. Medb’s touch on Cullen’s back was a mere whisper as he pulsed into her.

He buried his head against her neck and she felt his tears wet her hair as they climaxed. She murmured, “You are my heart. My everything. Ma Vehnan, I’d be terror stricken without you.”

His arms wrapped tight around her. Medb’s aching back complained about it. When Cullen broke, sobbing, her pained back was forgotten. All she could do was hold him.

 

She had held him throughout the long night. Years of guilt and pain kept him sobbing and shaking. Cullen continued to cling to Medb long after she fell asleep, his anchor to the present instead of reliving a tortured past.

After he calmed down, a new guilt pricked at him. Cullen knew Medb’s back was bothering her. He hadn’t been able to see beyond his own past to properly care for her. That would be rectified as soon as she woke up.

Cullen didn’t think he could love her more. Then Medb did something like this and everything in him wanted to devote all he could to her. He wasn’t sure how much more he could give, but by the Maker, she would have it.

Medb shifted to laying on her back. He knew that she was close to waking. Cullen walked on silent feet to his over night bag and pulled out her salve. His hands still had a tremble to them. That tremble would take a while to cease if the past was any indication.

When she shifted to her side, Cullen heard her whimper. Sitting down beside Medb, he whispered, “Stay where you are, Sweetheart. I have your salve.”

She didn’t move. Cullen made sure to massage her back as he rubbed Medb’s salve in. He gently kissed her shoulder and rasped, “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” Medb murmured as she slowly sat up, rolling her shoulders.

“It’s for last night,” A single corner of his mouth quirked up. His teeny smile quickly disappeared as Medb gasped when she stood, “Did I miss a spot?”

Shaking her head she held one of her hips, “One of the Red Templars at the temple threw me into a wall. My hip took the brunt of it.”

He was on his feet and beside her before Medb finished speaking, “Should I get Dorian to heal you?”

Reaching up, Medb caressed his cheek with her free hand, “Remember, I can heal bruises and cuts. I may be stiff for a couple days, but most of the pain is gone.”

Cullen sighed in relief. As he put on his armor, he noticed that Medb was still moving slowly. It worried him, “Is your back still bothering you?”

“Less than before you put on my salve and massaged it.” Her eyes filled with tears, “I can’t stop thinking about Maddox…” Medb’s blue eyes overflowed, “And what you were forced to endure.”

“I chose to take more lyrium,” Cullen finished putting on his armor. After standing in front of her, he caressed away Medb’s tears, “Samson just gave me the excuse to.”

Medb stared into his eyes, “If you hadn’t been tortured, would you have become addicted to it? Why didn’t anyone notice how much you were mentally and emotionally hurting?”

Her questions made him uncomfortable. Mia would’ve noticed… had he written to her. Shame and pain had kept him from reaching out, “Some did try to help. I refused it.”

“I doubt any of them were your superiors.” Medb finally got dressed, “Both you and Maddox deserved so much better.”

“I think your bias is showing through, Inquisitor,” He followed her out of their tent. Cullen didn’t agree that he deserved better. His fear and anger towards the mages in Kirkwall proved that.

“And if it is? I’m a mage. Yes, I was sheltered from much of the world, but it’s clear how people view mages. Maddox shouldn’t have been made Tranquil. Samson shouldn’t have left him to die.” She stopped and turned to him, “You weren’t much more than a child when you were at Kinloch Hold. Even if you were in your forties when the same happened, how is any of that fair or just?”

Cullen was grateful that she didn’t say he was tortured where others could hear them. How could he argue with her? Medb was right. Fortunately, Dorian saved him… sort of, “What did you do to get Medb to give one of her justice and empathy speeches?”

He was being stared at by both of them. Medb crossed her arms and lifted an eyebrow as she impatiently waited. Cullen closed his eyes and sighed, defeated, “I may have said that the Inquisitor was biased.”

“May?” Her eyebrow arched higher.

“Did,” Cullen kept his eyes trained on her very kissable lips, “In my defense, we love each other. It’s only fair that we want to heal each other’s hurts and be upset about past harms.”

“That doesn’t explain Maddox,” At least her arms weren’t crossed anymore.

“You are correct that what happened to Maddox was unjust,” He did meet her eyes then. Cullen had only been in Kirkwall for a few months before Samson was thrown out of the Templars and Maddox was made Tranquil.

“Only unjust?! That poor man was made Tranquil!” Dorian walked away, muttering, “Tevinter’s the villain in so many Southerners’ stories. That brand is used for the slightest things.”

“Dorian’s not wrong. Did you…” Medb paused, clenching her hands into fists, “Were you the one that made Maddox Tranquil?”

Shaking his head, Cullen softly spoke, “No. If I had been asked I would’ve refused. For some reason, Meredith kept me away from her most egregious abuses.”

“What did Maddox do where anyone could consider being made Tranquil a just punishment?” She rasped.

Cullen took her hands in his trembling ones, “The official charge was corrupting a Templar.”

“What does that mean?” She searched his eyes.

How could he do this gently? “In Kirkwall, there were Templars being possessed by demons.” Cullen glanced away and then back at the woman he loved with all of his heart, “That wasn’t what Maddox did. Maddox fell in love with someone outside of the Gallows. He was writing love letters to her. Samson delivered those letters.”

“Falling in love was a crime worthy of that monstrous punishment?” Medb choked back a sob, “Mythal, no wonder why he chose to drink poison than talk to us. How did you… when did you find out?”

“At the time, I didn’t question the initial charge. After Hawke defeated Meredith, I looked through as many records as I could. I found out then.” He looked down where he was still holding her hands. She hadn’t pulled away from him, “One of the guilts I’ll always carry is that I didn’t start questioning Meredith’s actions sooner.”

“How could you when you were in so much pain because of what you went through?” She gently kissed his cheek.

“That’s cold comfort to the many Meredith hurt and killed. To the many where I brushed away their concerns,” Cullen cleared his throat, “The too many where I supported Meredith’s decisions.”

“I’m not saying you’re completely blameless, Ma Vehnan,” Medb stared into his eyes, “Would you’ve been as susceptible to Meredith’s edicts had you been given proper time to heal?”

He touched his forehead to hers, “I’d like to think not.”

“You’re proving that by being with the Inquisition,” She whispered and kissed him.

A kiss that was rudely interrupted, “Commander? We’re ready to dig the grave.”

“Here?” Medb quickly turned in his arms. Cullen got a face full of hair, “He was left to die alone and we’re going to consign his body to the same?”

“Give us a minute?” Cullen said to the soldier. The soldier nodded and walked off.

Medb turned back to face him, “We can’t leave Maddox here. It’d be heartlessly cruel.”

“We can’t take him with us. The stench alone would make people ill.” Cullen unsuccessfully suppressed a shudder, remembering the smell of the dead Templars he was stuck with at Kinloch Hold.

“Maybe Dorian would know of a way to stop the body from decaying?” She looked away from him to search for Dorian.

“We don’t bury the dead in Kirkwall, Storm,” Varric added as he walked by.

“When you said that you’d see Maddox was given the proper rites… you meant…” Medb trailed off.

“You said you buried your mom. I assumed that’s customary for your clan to do,” Cullen gently smiled.

“But not for the people of Kirkwall,” Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder, “Is being turned to ash what Maddox would’ve wanted?”

“When he was in The Gallows, Maddox did have a last rites document. All the mages did.” He caressed her back. Cullen was certain she was still aching, “The vast majority wanted a pyre in the event of their death.”

“Maddox was away from there for a while,” Medb looked up and away from him. He followed her gaze as she spoke, “If he changed his mind, how would we know?”

“We wouldn’t.” Are his hands trembling more? Cullen looked down and saw Medb’s shoulders shaking, “Sweetheart, you don’t have to be with the pyre. The soldiers and I can handle it.”

“It’s not that. It’s…” She looked back at him, her tears overflowing, “He doesn’t have anyone who loved him among us. It isn’t fair.”

“We’ll do the best we can by him,” Cullen wanted to remind Medb that Maddox helped Samson and by extension Corypheus. But that could wait until she wasn’t upset. He waited for her tears to subside before asking, “We’re agreed to build a pyre?”

Medb nodded. He ordered the soldiers and the pyre was efficiently built. Maddox’s body was placed on the pyre in short order. Cullen and Varric said the prayers that would’ve been said had Maddox died in Kirkwall. After nodding to Varric in thanks, he took Medb back to their tent.

 

She was home. Nothing felt right, but she couldn’t see what was different. Why was there a funeral pyre right in front of her? Maddox’s funeral was days ago.

Medb watched in horror to see Cullen’s body thrown on the pyre. When it was lit, she looked around. She was surrounded by Red Templars and there was nothing left of her home except smoke and ash.

Gasping awake, Medb sat up and looked around. Small dwarven lights barely illuminated their tent. She adjusted her covers, preparing to lay back down.

Looking to her right, she expected to see Cullen. He wasn’t there. Was she still dreaming? Her back ached. It sometimes ached in her dreams too. Medb pinched her arm and whimpered as her back spasmed.

She heard a book softly close before a beloved voice whispered, “Medb?”

“Ma Vehnan,” She sighed in relief. He was there.

“Bad dream?” Cullen put his book down and sat beside her. “Or is your back bothering you?”

“Both,” She rasped and reached out for him. Medb unsuccessfully tried to blink away her tears as Cullen’s arms wrapped around her.

“The one about the Arbor Wilds again?” He caressed her back.

“Worse,” She croaked out. How could she tell him about her dream? Medb tried to change the subject, “Why are you awake?”

He kissed the top of her head, “I had a nightmare that woke me. And then one of the soldiers needed me. With it being close to dawn, I thought I’d read a bit before waking you.”

“Oh,” Medb clung to him. She hated having nightmares. How much worse were they for Cullen? At least she wasn’t tortured.

“Sweetheart, your nightmares tend to get worse when you don’t talk about them,” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Medb’s voice shook as she told him about her nightmare. When she reached the part about him, her whole body shook. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she finished.

“We’ve received no reports that Corypheus or Samson knows where your home is.” Cullen lifted her chin, “When I pass on, I want to be buried.”

“You say that like dying soon is a certainty. I plan to live for a very long time. You should want that too,” The words left her mouth before she could think clearly.

Cullen said nothing. He just kept caressing her back. In the quiet, she laid her head on Cullen’s shoulder. Her eyes closed. She was safe and he was alive.

Bull’s loud call for breakfast startled her awake. Medb was still in Cullen’s arms. He kissed her cheek, “Sleep well?”

“I fell asleep again?” Medb pulled back in confusion. The last thing she remembered was feeling safe.

“You did,” Cullen stood and walked over to his over night bag. He pulled out a small container of her salve. After showing it to Medb, he sat behind her. As he rubbed the salve into her back he said, “I should’ve waited until you were fully awake before asking about your nightmare.”

Why was he apologizing to her? Medb gasped as she recalled the last thing she said to him, “It’s me who should be apologizing. I know the future isn’t guaranteed. Especially with Corypheus trying to destroy everything.”

“I know well the after effects of nightmares. It takes longer than waking up to wear off. Instead of listening to my better judgement, I rushed you into telling me about yours before you were fully present,” He finished rubbing in her salve.

She turned so she could face him, “I wasn’t tortured and my nightmares are brutal. I think I’d be curled into a ball with what you have to endure most nights.”

“Weren’t you?” Cullen searched her eyes before continuing, “The scars on your back tell a different story.”

“Torture has to be more than a single event though… doesn’t it?” Was this another thing her sheltered life before the Conclave kept her from?

“No, Sweetheart,” He took her hands in his and held them, “Just because your dreams aren’t on consistent repeat about the torture you endured doesn’t mean that you weren’t.”

“Oh,” Medb breathed out, looking down at their hands. She hadn’t thought of it that way before. When she looked up, tears had filled Cullen’s eyes, “Ma Vehnan, you haven’t upset me. I always thought torture was something like you were forced to endure or multiple harmful incidents. I got away before Mervin could do everything he wanted… so…” She shook her head. It was going to take more time to fully understand that Mervin did more harm to her than she initially thought.

Medb released his hands and wriggled her way onto Cullen’s lap. She caressed his chest and whispered, “Maybe it would help for you to talk about your nightmares too?”

“You held me through the night after I read Samson’s letter, much to your back’s complaint. That helped me more than I can ever say. Maybe someday it will help to talk about them. But, not today,” He gently kissed her. When he pulled back, Cullen whispered, “Should we win this war…”

She understood why he trailed off. To talk about hopes and dreams liked they did when they were last at Skyhold seemed like sacrilege right now. Medb kissed him back, murmuring, “I love you.”

 

Cullen was irritated. They had barely dismounted before he and Medb were told there was an emergency meeting in the war room. He growled in frustration as he heard Medb whimper in pain.

He was surprised that Dorian took the reins of their horses out of his hands with the terse command, “Go. The faster you get that bloody meeting over with, the faster she can rest.”

“Thank you.” Cullen walked over to Medb and took her hand in his. She gasped as she straightened and it made him angrier. He grumbled, “They could give you some time to get your back to stop spasming.”

“Leliana and Josephine don’t know,” She tried to smile. It failed.

“You’re the Inquisitor. You should be able to dismount before being needed.”

“Hopefully, we defeat Corypheus and things slow down,” Medb squeezed his hand, “Can I… lean against you?”

“Always,” Cullen pulled her close, carefully wrapping his arm around her. He wanted to provide support without hurting her further.

They walked into the war room and saw Leliana, Morrigan, and Josephine waiting for them. Cullen scowled at the look Morrigan gave them. It’s not like he and Medb being together wasn’t known. Morrigan started, “I know where Corypheus is headed next.”

“Oh?” Medb raised an eyebrow.

“There is an eluvian in the Arbor Wilds. I attempted to reach it, but I had to look elsewhere for my prize,” Morrigan glanced at Leliana, “’Tis his only way to get into the Fade.”

“No.” Medb gasped, horrified.

Cullen briefly tightened his hold on her. He wondered if her persistent nightmares since Maddox’s funeral were at the forefront of her mind. They were for him. Thoughts he forcefully pushed away, “I haven’t had a chance to look at the reports. Can we prove the Arbor Wilds is where Corypheus intends to attack next?”

“We can,” Leliana stared at Medb, “He has a head start on us.”

He swore and explained what they found at the temple of Dumat. Cullen refused to let go of Medb and looked at her, “We need time to plan.”

“It’s my home,” Medb looked up at him with tear filled eyes.

“Her home? I thought she was from Clan Lavellan in the Free Marches,” Leliana quirked an eyebrow.

“That was my mother’s clan before she went to the Arbor Wilds,” Medb closed her eyes. Cullen desperately wanted to wipe her tears away. She rasped, “There’s an ancient temple to Mythal there. If the eluvian is anywhere, it’s there.”

“You know of eluvians?” Morrigan asked.

“My mother said it was an eluvian she walked through to get to the Arbor Wilds. The elves who guarded the temple wanted a new generation of guardians and pulled elves from different clans. It was agreed that the elves who became with child could stay…” Medb briefly paused and then continued, “So long as they were willing to give up their children at a certain age; the elf guardians would teach this new clan their ways.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to do this,”  Cullen whispered.

“When they came to take us, our mothers stood up to them and refused to give us up. We were banned from the temple. My mother pointed to one of the elves, saying he was my father and that I shouldn’t trust him.” A sigh shuddered through her.

“How old were you?” Josephine gently asked.

“I don’t think I was five years old yet? I barely remember him beyond his vallaslin. That’s burned into my memory,” Medb looked away, “I remember the fear in my mother’s voice too. I had hoped my silence would protect them.”

Leliana glared at Cullen, “You knew?”

“I did. I agreed with the Inquisitor’s assessment. We’ve all heard stories of how people go into the Arbor Wilds and not be heard from again. It seemed foolish to jeopardize Inquisition forces, scouts, and spies on a place well known for its mysteries.” Cullen stood straighter, “If we had sent people in, it was likely Corypheus would’ve moved faster to gain this eluvian. By our silence, we bought the elves of the Arbor Wilds time.”

“Do they know he’s marching to them?”  Leliana paced, “How do we get word to them?”

“I have a way of contacting the Keeper. I’ll make sure she knows.” Medb leaned heavily into him, “How long will it take us to get to the Wilds?”

“We should contact our allies to get them to meet us there with their armies,” Josephine started writing a list.

“I can send my spies,” Leliana offered.

“Without support from the soldiers? How many spies are you willing to lose?” Cullen scoffed. He knew the news was a shock to Medb. Leliana knew better.

“We send scouts until our army can catch up,” Medb sighed. “And we need to talk to Dagna about what we found at the temple of Dumat.”

“I’ll handle that,” Cullen promised. He looked at the others and dismissed the meeting, “We need to get started now.”

He walked Medb out of the war room. Cullen hoped he could get her somewhere private before she broke. A sigh of relief left him as he saw the hall was mostly empty as he pulled Medb into the stairwell to her chambers.

She looked around as if she had just woken up, “Where are we going?”

“I wanted you to have a minute,” Cullen stared into her eyes. The deep blue pools he easily got lost in were full of worry. He wished he could reassure her, “We will get to the Arbor Wilds as soon as we’re able to.”

“I know,” Medb sighed, “I’m okay.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. She was, understandably, far from okay, “Why don’t you go upstairs and I’ll get things moving?”

Medb shook her head, “No. I’ll break when there’s nothing left to do except wait.”

He kissed her, “When that moment comes, I want to be at your side.”

“Are we dividing and conquering then?” Her usually steady gaze was darting everywhere but at him.

Taking her hands in his, Cullen winced at how Medb’s hands were trembling. Leaving her alone wasn’t happening, “We don’t have to. I would like to talk to the soldiers first to have them start preparing for the march. Then we can talk to your companions–“

“I should send a message to my Keeper first,” She very briefly glanced at him.

“Is that where you want to start?” He was concerned that starting there would break the incredibly tenuous hold she had on her feelings.

“No,” Medb shook her head as tears filled her eyes. She took a shaky breath and weakly smiled at him, “Your plan is better. I don’t think I’d be much use if we went to our chambers first.”

How easily she referred to her chambers as theirs. It wasn’t something he had completely accepted yet. Cullen waited until Medb had blinked away her tears. As they left the stairwell, he continued to hold one of her hands, “Dagna will be before we return to your… our quarters.”

She nodded and held tightly to his hand. Their walk to his office was quiet. Seeing Rylen, Delrin, and the Knight-Lieutenants already there pleased him. The runners had done their jobs.

Medb pulled her hand from his. He had to trust in that decision as he informed those in his command, “Spread the word that we will be marching for the Arbor Wilds by the end of the week. Make sure everything is prepared for a long journey and a hard battle. The Inquisitor has thwarted Corypheus and his Red Templars at every turn.”

Cullen heard Medb’s scoff at him giving her all the credit. It was true though. He continued, “Corypheus and those who follow him are desperate. We all know what happens when people feel cornered. We’ll be leaving a small contingent behind to protect Skyhold.”

With the meeting dismissed, he turned to face a pacing Medb. She turned to face him with her arms crossed, “I’m not the only one that’s thwarting Corypheus.”

He walked over to her. On this Cullen will absolutely argue with her, “You are the one that fell out of the Fade. You are the one that can close the Rifts. You are the one that went back into the Fade and fought this Nightmare demon–“

“And I left Hawke and Fenris behind,” She interrupted him.

That was an argument best left for another time. He was still sensitive that he had to catch his lover  and Thedas’ only hope flying out of the Fade because Medb refused to come back. Ignoring Medb’s interruption, Cullen continued, “You went into the future and prevented that future from happening. You are the one that stopped Corypheus from tearing apart Orlais. You are the one that stopped the Mage-Templar War. You are the one that stopped Corypheus’ army of Grey Warden demons.”

“We send you and three other people out to fight Red Templars, Darkspawn, Templars, Mages, demons, giants, ogres, dragons, and things that most likely don’t make it into the reports without support.” Cullen pulled her arms apart and held her hands, “You mark places where we can set up camp. You are the one making Thedas safer. The Inquisition follows your lead and no one else’s.”

“You accuse me of being biased,” Medb softly murmured.

“I am biased. I must send the woman I love more than anything to fight a would be god and the people and monsters that follow him without back-up.” He touched his forehead to hers, “I see the woman I love doing her best to hold it together while her home is being attacked.” Cullen caressed his lips over hers, “Stating the many things you’ve accomplished is not biased.”

“I bet you say that to all the Inquisitors,” She stroked his hands with her thumbs.

“Only the one I’m in love with,” He kissed her. When the kiss ended, Cullen asked, “Ready?”

“No.” She took a deep, quivering breath and then nodded.

They walked to The Herald’s Rest where Cullen knew most, if not all, of Medb’s companions would be gathered. Cullen sighed in relief to see everyone but Vivienne, Solas, and Cassandra there. He was certain Leliana told Cassandra right after the war council meeting. And ever since Medb had to defend Cole from Vivienne’s attacks, their relationship had considerably cooled.

Medb looked at each of her friends. Her eyes widened as she stared at someone. Following her gaze, Cullen was surprised to see Solas standing behind everyone else. She squeezed his hand before saying, “Corypheus and Samson are going to attack the Arbor Wilds. Morrigan thinks an Eluvian is there and that’s what Corypheus wants to use to get into the Fade now that we’ve,” She pointedly looked at him before continuing, “thwarted all of his other plans.”

“When do we leave, Storm?” Varric asked.

“As soon as Dagna can research the tools Maddox used,” She stared at Solas’ retreating back.

“Are we leaving with the soldiers?” Dorian took a sip of his wine.

“I’m not sure Dagna can work that fast.” Her eyes met Cullen’s. She quickly blinked away her tears and looked at her companions, “I think all other questions can wait. The Commander and I still have much to do.”

“I have twenty on Storm and Curly being locked in their quarters until Curly has to leave,” They heard Varric chuckle as they left The Herald’s Rest.

Once they were away from the noise, Cullen paused, “Do you need a minute?”

She shook her head and continued walking, “Varric’s idea isn’t a bad one.”

Cullen stopped walking and kissed her, “We should spend more time behind locked doors.”

“Please?” Medb pleaded deepening their kiss.

For at least tonight, he could give her that. He wanted to give her a lifetime of it. When their kiss ended, he wrapped and arm around Medb’s waist. Cullen was very reluctant to let her go.

They made their way into the castle and into the Undercroft. Dagna joyfully greeted them, “Varric brought me Maddox’s tools. They are fascinating! Is Samson immune to red lyrium? If he isn’t, how does he have such a high tolerance for it? I’d love to see his armor up close.”

Would being addicted to normal lyrium cause a high tolerance to red lyrium? Cullen shook his head, dispelling the thought as he heard Medb ask, “Can you break Samson’s armor?”

“Oh, yes.” Dagna beamed.

“How long do you need?” Medb was trembling again. Cullen pulled her closer and remembered they didn’t have any time to ease Medb’s back from bothering her. He was determined to carry her up the long flights of stairs to their quarters.

“Perfection can’t be rushed, Inquisitor.” Dagna stared at Maddox’s tools, “You’ll have what you need when it’s ready.”

“Thank you, Dagna,” Cullen led Medb out of the Undercroft. He briefly talked to a servant to bring dinner, tomorrow’s breakfast, and lunch to their quarters. Cullen was a bit surprised that Medb didn’t tease him about his plans.

Medb was staring at the door to her quarters. He correctly surmised that she hadn’t heard him. Once they were in the stairway, Cullen easily lifted her into his arms. She gasped, “What are you doing?”

“Hopefully, giving your back a break.”

Her arms wrapped around his neck, “I love you, Ma Vehnan.”

Cullen quickly climbed the stairs and opened the door to their quarters. A last small flight of stone stairs and Medb kissed his cheek, “You can put me down now.”

“What if I don’t want to?” He teased. Then he kissed her, “You missed.”

“Maybe I planned to get you to kiss me,” She returned the kiss before he set Medb on her feet.

She went to her desk while he went to the wardrobe Medb said was his. He pulled out a container of Medb’s salve. Cullen gently closed the door and walked over to the bed while he listened to Medb sing in Elvhen to a bird.

He could pick out a few words, but it wasn’t enough to understand Medb’s message. Medb came over to where he stood and he opened his arms. She held him close as he wrapped his arms around her. Kissing the top of her head, Cullen whispered, “You can break now.”

“I don’t want to.” Her entire body was shaking with how tightly she was holding in her emotions. Medb looked up at him, “Make love to me?”

“Once we get your back to stop spasming,” Cullen had her sit on the bed.

“I’ll be fine once I lay down,” Medb tried to take her salve from him.

Easily keeping it out of her reach, Cullen gently chastised, “We both know that isn’t true.”

Medb huffed and turned away from him. Cullen pulled her shirt down and made sure to massage her back as he rubbed the salve in. He also took the liberty of kissing her neck and shoulders. She pulled her shirt completely off and whispered, “You can kiss me lower… and on my scars if you want.”

Tears pricked his eyes as Medb once again offered what she viewed as the worst parts of him to her. Cullen gently kissed every ragged edge of her scars, rasping, “Maker, you are beautiful.”